Age and Opportunity

Many of the people I work with don’t believe I’m as old as I am.  I’ve got them all hoodwinked into thinking I’m 30-something.  The only time I really felt my age was last summer when I went through radiation therapy at a cancer care center about an hour from my home.  While it didn’t make me nauseous or cause any other nasty side effects, it did make me tired.  Every day for 25 days I had to drive for an hour to be radiated for fifteen minutes then drive another hour to get to work.  I would leave home at 7:30 am to arrive in time for my appointment, do the radiation thing, and get back to work by 10:30 or 11:00 am so I could work my eight-hour shift.  By the time I got home I could have cared less about dinner or doing anything productive on the home front, like cleaning up the yard or working on my quilts.

Going through the cancer routine made me realize how little time I had left to do the work assigned to me in God’s Kingdom, and it also made me realize how little I’d accomplished.  I tried to be a good person but did that really equate with being a Christian?  I didn’t think so.  I’d been playing at being a follower of Christ for years and years but had I really done anything to bring others into the Kingdom?  Did I at least plant a seed or two?  Hard to say; only God really knows for sure.  So at the ripe age of 57 I decided I needed to get my act in gear and stop waiting for the church to be what I wanted it to be and get on with the job of doing the things Christ commanded. 

All negativity had to disappear. No more whining and complaining.  Be grateful for every day God gives you and look for ways you can serve others or make their day a little less daunting.  Don’t surround yourself with negative people but don’t forget to send them some positive vibes either.  Learn to be thankful for every struggle that comes your way because it’s only by a refiner’s fire that you will work out your salvation. Be extremely grateful for what you have been given and learn to give what you have back.  Stop wondering why you have to deal with a tumor and start living beyond it. 

There’s been some physical fallout from the radiation and chemo therapy.  I think the arthritis in my knees has gotten worse.  But I’m still walking so that’s a plus, and I started using the recumbent bike again, thinking I’ll work my way up to the elliptical.  Then again, I’ve never been real athletic – I prefer to read books and write volumes no one will read. My eyes require more drops for dry-eye syndrome, but at least I can buy them over the counter and not pay prescription prices for them. I don’t sleep all night long anymore but I get to watch late night TV and read a few more lines in my latest literary purchase.  I even bought a Kindle so I can read any time and anywhere I would like to (as long as I don’t let the charge run out). I still tire more easily but at least I’m above ground.  I’m still standing.  Worst thing was I gained back the weight I lost, or most of it.  Good thing is I saved the bigger size clothes so I don’t have to buy new ones.  I guess there really is a silver lining in every dark cloud.

This summer has been strange anyway, moving from night shift to day shift.  It seems odd to arrive home when it’s still daylight out there.  I can’t complain about not having time to study my Bible anymore because I get home in plenty of time to do that.  I can’t use the excuse of it’s time to go to bed when I get home.  Still I’m not quite sure what to do with myself because I worked night shift for so long that daylight seems kind of scary.  But I get to go to church on Wednesday night, something I haven’t been able to do in at least six years.  Eventually I will get used to day shift and then I’ll wonder how I ever stood night shift all those years.

Losing so many co-workers has been odd too.  The last one hit closer to home than I’d like to think.  We both found out about cancer at the same time, only I’m still here and he’s gone to Glory.  I know I’ve been given another chance to do the work God has for me to do and I hope he’s up there cheering me on, though I suspect he’s more interested in sitting at the feet of Jesus.  It has been odd to see so many people around me fall to cancer and then find myself still standing.  I wonder sometimes how God plans to bring all this around to good.  I remind myself that it’s not my business to know God’s plan, just to believe in it and do as I’m commanded.  So, on I go, hoping whatever I do will make some slight difference for the Kingdom.

Of course, there’s always the little dark cloud of “it will come back” that the enemy likes to send around every once in a while.  Good thing God knows where all my cracks are and fills them up with his Spirit so the enemy doesn’t stand a chance of grabbing hold and bringing my Spirit down.  He can try but the Holy Spirit is always there to intercept. It may not look like he’s there all the time but he is.  Sometimes he has a lot to say, sometimes he has a lot to show me, and sometimes he’s silent.  What’s really amazing is watching him shower me with purple flowers all over the yard that I didn’t plant.  You’d of thought some of them would be a different color, maybe he’d throw in a little yellow or orange or pink or red, but no, they’re all shades of purple.  God is amazing!