Barren

Last Sunday was the annual Mother’s Day sermon.  I’ve come to dread them.  For me they are reminders that I am never going to quite be accepted because I do not have a husband and/or children.  I say “and/or” because it seems that as long as you have children being a single woman is perfectly acceptable.  It seems there is a lot to be said for mothers, but not much to be said for those never given the chance.  One would think I had committed the last great sin in the world.  My “barrenness” seems to be a barrier for others to accept me as a useful and worthy member of the body of Christ.

I have nothing against mothers – I have one of my own – but it seems you have little worth if you aren’t one.  I’ve even been told that is so.  The question I find most annoying is, “What have you done wrong that God denied you children?”  My answer is always, “What makes you think that God’s love and acceptance is based on whether or not I have children?  God uses everyone, not just those who have children or husbands.”  Usually I get the “what in the world is she talking about” look as the speaker hurries away, as if afraid that whatever I have is catching, airborne, and quite deadly.

I always wonder if it wouldn’t be better to think of those women who served God in wonderful ways – like Ruth, Esther, Mary, Priscilla, Deborah, and so many others.  Why is who you are as a woman always tied to whether or not you have children?  Am I not as a born-again believer a child of God irregardless?  Can he not use me in his Kingdom’s work without my being a mother?  Is my worth really gauged by how many physical children I have?  What about spiritual children – don’t they count?  I suppose not – they are somewhat of an intangible asset not seen until we cross Heaven’s gateway.

Ah, well, I realize I am an oddity, a rare bird, a child of a different color.  And that’s okay.  I actually enjoy the role for the most part.  God can use the odd and not-so-common.  He already has plans for people like me. And make no mistake there are a lot of people just like me running around serving God.  Some may think us invisible, but God knows we’re there.

Of all the things I think about (right after I get beat up for not having children) the one thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I, too, am used of God.  He has a place for me in his Kingdom.  I may not have children to run after but I have a God I can run after.  Being the perfect example that he is, I have nothing to be ashamed of, nor need I worry what others think.  My task is to follow God.

So maybe I don’t have children to wave the red flag of acceptance over me and shout out to the world that I am one of the accepted, but I have a God who chose me specially and has gifted me to serve him in roles I may not have been able to fulfill had I been a mother.  I take solace in the fact that, mother or not, the Spirit of God lives within me and brings meaning to my life.  God is always enough.