Saying Good-Bye

People come in and out of your life for a reason I’m told.  With some folks it’s easy to tell why they came your way, and with others it’s kind of muddled.  Some folks come to challenge you and some folks come to comfort you.  I’m not always sure what lesson I’m supposed to be learning but I’m always sure there is one.

There are people through the years who have passed by my life and I don’t even remember their names, as with most of my high school graduating class.  I look at classmates.com and barely even recognize the names, let alone the people themselves.  High school was not a particularly fun time for me, neither was college, or even the beginning of my work career for that matter. Recently, some of the folks who were co-workers at the company (now defunct) I worked for before moving to North Carolina decided to have a reunion.  While it might be interesting to see those faces, I’m not sure I want to re-live that part of my life.

Truth be told, there are some folks I was glad to leave behind.  They were negative, unhappy people who walked around with clouds of doom over their heads.  They were determined to be gloomy and turned away all resemblance of efforts to move them into the sunshine.  That’s one crowd I’d rather not be a part of.  I do wonder at times if anything has changed for them, though I suspect not.  Some I talk to on Facebook and still put out the same aura of negativity, doom, and gloom.  Such sad lives that could have been such happy, productive lives – there, but for the grace of God, I could have been.

Then there are other folks who leave you and you wish you could call them back and start all over again.  Miss Mayzell was one of those people.  She would look me in the eyes and tell me she loved me and I knew she actually meant it.  She would see people she knew coming her way and her eyes would light up, just as if Jesus were coming to see her.  She was an amazing woman who knew how to love people well.  She went to be with the Lord on May 17, 2011.  Until we see her again on the other side of that golden veil, only heaven will know the light in her eyes. 

I didn’t have the privilege of knowing Miss Mayzell long, and though I feel the loss, I’m sure her family feels the pain of it in a much deeper way.  They had her for 75 years and it wasn’t nearly long enough.  Almost all of them said her being gone was a surreal kind of thing; they kept expecting her to walk back into the room laughing and carrying on. I hope they take comfort in knowing she is completely healed and sitting at the feet of Jesus watching over them.

Sometimes I have said goodbye knowing that ahead of me was a new adventure.  I left a position at a local college to come to the company I am now with in 2002.  At first I wasn’t sure it was such a good idea.  At that point in my life, I didn’t do change well. My mother was the one who saw the ad in the paper for positions, not me.  My interview was with my ex’s nephew’s wife, so I was sure I was doomed to failure.  I had to start at the bottom for less pay and get used to life in a cubicle.  Over the years I’ve been here I’ve come to understand that God orchestrated this move.  Had God not been directing my path in this move, I wouldn’t be where I am today, literally, and that’s the plain, simple truth.

Some people I am truly sorry to have lost touch with.  I can think of one person in particular who I thought was a true friend, until the day she told me that she no longer required my friendship.  In the beginning days of our friendship, I worked nights and she worked days, so scheduling was a problem, but once I moved to day shift, I thought we’d be able to spend some quality time together.  Turns out I shouldn’t have told her to read the Bible and get into a Spirit-filled church for a life-changing event instead of reading The Shack and watching God-TV.  The truth really will set you free.  Perhaps one day she will forgive me.

I’ve had to say good-bye to family members both young and old.  My granny was 102 when she died, my dad 86, my niece only 27. I look at pictures in our albums and it seems strange to know they’re gone.  In the pictures they look so vibrant and happy. Even though I’m past the major battle with cancer (down to monitoring for any changes), my mother is worried that I’ll expire before she does.  I keep telling her that if I end up pushing up daisies she’d better make sure they are purple ones but she’s not buying it. 

I guess I’m a little odd because I don’t really worry about having to say good-bye to life on this earth all that much. Mostly I wonder what the people I leave behind will do with all the stuff crammed in my bedroom (including rows of books, CDs, and DVDs).  I wonder what they will do with all the stuff in my office at work. What I think most about is the kind of legacy I will leave behind and ask God daily to make it one worth the leaving.  If I could leave a tenth of the legacy behind that Miss Mayzell did, I would be content.

Realistically, I know that no matter what happens, I’ll meet Jesus on the other side.  Death really has no hold over me.  It’s odd to think of myself as not being here but I know death is not something I can escape.  I know I need to be ready and I know I need to keep walking until Jesus calls me home. At least I’m not silly enough to predict exactly what day and hour Jesus will come for me, as if I could command God to do it my way.  I am smart enough to be thankful for every day he gives me beyond the one I’m living today.