I live in the mountains of North Carolina, which I believe to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. Every day the Lord amazes me with the beauty of the mountains against the splendor of a sunset or sunrise. There’s something about the greenery of the mountains in an awakening spring and the grandeur of the colors on the mountains during what we call leaf-looker season that takes your breath away. Even storms on the mountains are a wonder – from our windows at work we often see rainbows cast over them in the distance once the storm is over.
Yet for all the beauty he created in the world, you are his best creation. We spend so much time as women trying to look like supermodels, though that’s not who God intended us to be. According to the supermodel world, a woman who wears a size eight is a plus-size woman. How did we get to the point where we believe women should starve themselves to death in order to be considered “pretty?”
And let’s define “pretty.” If God made us in his own image and believes that what he has made is beautiful and good, who are we to decide that someone is ugly simply because he/she wears glasses or is under six-foot tall? I recently had to remind someone that God “don’t make no junk.” God thinks we’re beautiful just as he made us. Yet we walk around calling folks ugly because they fail to fit some manmade description of what beauty is or isn’t. How cruel we can be to each other, how selfish, how hurtful.
We are God’s ultimate artistry. He knew before we were born the plans he had for us – who he wanted us to be, what he wanted us to do. He plans good things for us. He sets our feet upon the right path. So why are we so unwilling to let him have control over the life he gave us? Why are we so intent on leaving him on the shelf until he can serve some purpose for us, like getting us out of the mess we’ve created of our lives?
I’ve often wondered why in the world God continues to love me after all the mistakes I’ve made and all the ways I’ve turned aside, leaving him to go on some grand crusade invented in my tiny little mind. How many times I’ve grieved God by something I said or did! Yet he continues to love me even though he doesn’t have to. He didn’t have to send his Son to die for me on Calvary’s cross but he did. He calls me his priceless treasure. He chose me. He considers me his inheritance.
I am a child of THE King, yet I often act as though I’d never heard his voice. I throw tantrums. I avoid his truth. I try to get out of doing what he says do. Still, there he is, waiting, trying desperately to point me back to the right path. If he didn’t love me, why would he go to all that trouble? God watches everything I do, hoping I’ll do the right thing, grieving when I don’t, showing me mercy when I fail, picking me up when I fall down, loving me anyway. The one thing I can be sure of in this life is that his love remains beyond anything else. His love endures in spite of me.
Over the months of cancer treatment and beyond, I watched with glee how God beautifully orchestrated things around me to show me his healing. Daily he would provide Scripture to bolster my flagging soul. I would randomize the music on my iPod and every song would speak peace to my heart, reminding me how big my God was. Every time I went to church the teachings or sermons would back up what I’d been hearing and reading all week long. He used my preacher, his wife, other preachers, the song leader, the children, and fellow church members. When God gives, he gives his all, without reserve.
He continually amazes me with the love he showers on me every day through reading his Word and meeting him in prayer. His love and care has made me, well, different, in a way I can’t quite explain. But I’ve seen that difference reflected in the faces of people who don’t quite understand how you can be positive about cancer. I’m pretty sure some of them believe I’ve flat lost my mind (especially the chemo therapy folks), and perhaps they are right. My mind, my heart, and my soul belong to Christ. Lock, stock, and barrel. What a wonderful freedom that is!
I can even see God’s artistry at work in my job. To be honest I wouldn’t have this job had God not intervened. I was working at a state job financed by grants that looked to be ending soon. Then there was the atmosphere of fear generated by my supervisor, who wanted me gone, period. My father had a stroke and I needed to find a job closer to home (the one I had was about an hour away). Living in a small town, there weren’t that many possibilities outside of working in a fast food chain.
Then one day my mother saw an ad in the paper for a job fair at a local software company. I couldn’t go to the job fair but the ad said you could submit a resume via e-mail, so I did. Next thing I know, I have an appointment for an interview. I went to the interview only to discover that my ex’s nephew’s wife was conducting the interview. At least she was part of the family that didn’t blame me for his excesses and failures. And she did know what I was capable of. I still worried that my age and failure to fix my ex would cost me a job.
Miracle of miracles, she hired me. I was relieved. The cut in pay wasn’t enough to make a huge difference in my ability to pay bills. I did have to start at the bottom. To tell the truth, I’d have started in the basement to escape the trials of working for someone who took every opportunity to make sure I’d fail, right down to writing an evaluation that made me look like the worst employee who ever lived and took up air on the planet. I’ve never really figured out why she was so intent on destroying me. When I asked what I’d done, she would simply reply, “Everything!”
I’ve made my share of mistakes but I moved up through the ranks until I reached my current position. All along the way God provided just the right people to teach me, and discipline me, and help me get to the place God needed me to be. I never expected to be in this position. I always thought it would go to someone far more accomplished than I. But here I am, God. Use me.
And use me he has. For his glory, not mine. The reason I can be positive about cancer is all wrapped up in the presence of God. Without him, I am nothing. I have learned that some things are not important at all – like having my way all the time, or not wanting to share information for fear I won’t get credit for what I’ve done,. In the light of God’s Kingdom (what I like to call the BIG picture), some things become minute. And as God has reminded me, Kingdom thinking requires a shift many are unwilling to take. Because suddenly it’s not about you at all. It’s all about the blood of Christ and what God did out of his love for you. What a beautiful, amazing, unprecedented plan God has for his children.
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