People ask me why I still speak of the possibility of the cancer coming back. The reason is that I want them to understand God’s gift of healing. I’ve been given my tomorrows by God. God has healed me according to his plan for my life. What those tomorrows and that healing holds depends on God’s plan. Me, I’m waiting in the wings to act out the storyline he’s set for me. God holds the times of my life in his hands. He knows the talents he’s given me, the abilities, the gifts. He knows when I need to show up; he knows when I need to stand still. I’d like to think I’m a grand orator but I’m not; I work better one-on-one or in small groups. I’d like to think I’m a great singer but I’m not. I love to sing but I don’t think anyone would ever ask me to make an album. I’m a great eater but there’s no one I know who will ask me to provide burnt offerings at meal time.
So maybe the gifts God gave me are small. They aren’t insignificant to his plans for my life though. If I don’t use them as he directs, he’ll have to get someone else, who may not be able to fit the plan as well as he intended with me. Not that I’m all that important because I’m not. But I like to think that God has a purpose for my life beyond where I live and work, my normal earthly routine.
There have been times when I’ve felt like an outcast and people have drawn a line in the sand they dare me to cross. I stand in the shadow of God’s plan and wonder if I have the courage to step across the line. It isn’t easy to do, especially when you face condemnation from a world that thinks you’re crazy to believe in God at all. The way the world sees it, God is a myth told by fools who needed to believe in something, anything, beyond themselves to explain why things are as they are. God, to them, is an empty promise, the Bible a work of human fantasy, literature to salve the human conscious.
Daring to be different, I sometimes feel like I’m at a standstill. People are so hard and so cold. Hurting people have been misled by false Christians to the point where believing in God is nearly beyond them. They are difficult to reach, harder still to restore to relationship with God. Some days it feels like the mountains I face are too hard to climb. I am determined to stay on the same road, despite the hardships, the name-calling, the ill-favored looks, the taunting, and the disbelief. I will guard my heart and mind and soul in Christ Jesus. I will lift the pieces of my heart, broken by life’s hardships, to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And I will keep walking.
Jesus told Peter that lions are roaming the land, seeking to destroy. It was true then and it is true now. People are still dying for the Gospel. If things keep going the way they are today I may be one of those whose dare to be different costs them their life. It’s already unsafe to declare yourself a believer in some companies of people. You are scoffed at, laughed at, made fun of, disparaged, and treated like an alien. Which is okay because you are an alien in this world; you belong to the Kingdom. You are different by nature as well as by belief. For some people it’s enough reason to hate you and more than enough reason to kill you.
God is an all-consuming fire. I pray that he lights the fire in me again and again and again. That burning flame keeps me running to him. Running to him keeps me honest and sets me on the path he has for my life. God’s fire purifies me for his service. It brings me peace and understanding. It gives God the chance to do something new in me because it clears away any cobwebs in my heart and mind that were helping me cling to things no longer important.
Today it is December 15th, 10 days away from Christmas. I have a habit of wearing holiday garb from December 1st to December 25th. I do it to remind me that I am not celebrating Santa Clause or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer but rather Christ’s appearance on earth. I do it to remind myself that it’s not about me, it’s about the blood of Christ, and what it took to set me free.
Today I am wearing a pin with bells that ring whenever I walk. It’s fun to watch people search for the sound of the bells. Someone said it reminded her of the bell that Salvation Army volunteers ring during this season as they collect donations. For me, the bells are a reminder of Christ’s coming with peace and hope. I think of the angels rejoicing and the Father’s love – so great he sent his beloved Son on my behalf.
God was thinking of my tomorrows when he sent Jesus to pay for my sins. He knew how much I needed him. He knew I wouldn’t survive without him. I look out my window at work and I see a cold, snowy world. Believe it or not, it’s below freezing. Snow is on the ground, the powdery, dry kind. There’s a slight cold wind blowing through the upper tree branches. The sky is gray and gloomy. Was it on a morning like this that God looked down on earth and said, “My people need a Savior. I will send my Son.”
For me the miracle isn’t whether or not the cancer is gone. The miracle to me is that God cared so much about me that he sent a tiny, helpless baby to draw me into the Kingdom. You see, the healing I needed most had nothing to do with cancer. Having or not having cancer isn’t the point at all. For me, the healing is all about being complete in God. It’s about being made whole spiritually. The question wasn’t at all about whether or not I will live or die with cancer – the question was all about whether I live and die in Christ. Like the song says, it’s all about the Blood.
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