Balancing Act

Today at church I learned about balance.  I learned that God can’t use me if I’m not vested in his work.  He can’t use me if I don’t think there’s a great work to be done.  He can’t use me if all my focus is directed inward instead of outward. He can’t use me if I cannot find time to do the work needed, or if I believe I’m above doing the work needed.  I needed to rethink my vision of working for the church and for God.  Was it all about being able to say I’m the clerk of the church or about being able to say the work is being done even when I’m not noticed or credited with any of it?

Here’s the picture I finally came up with to describe what I was thinking about my place in God’s great work:

   

I have to maintain my upward relationship with God, or everything falls apart and I end up on the ground in agony because once again I have failed him.  When I’m not looking up and connecting with God I’m not in a position to be of service.  I am out of balance with God’s vision for my life and the great work he has commissioned for the church.

        If I don’t look up I forget to maintain my relationship with the author and finisher of my faith.  I start think I’m more than I am, forgetting I am nothing without him.  My center moves off Christ and my connection falters.

If I am only looking at me I can’t see my family, my church, or God for that matter.  I have abdicated my service in God’s great work by focusing on me, myself, and I – the human trilogy of nonsense.  Because I’m looking anywhere but up I am giving Satan the perfect opportunity to sneak in with lies containing only a milligram of truth, enough to convince me he could be right.  My armor, no longer freshened by the Word of God and prayer, weakens and fails.  Because I have let my armor fail, I have nothing left with which to fight; I am overcome.

If I look only at my family I lose my balance because I allow that part of my life to overshadow everything else; I forget it’s God first.  I’m so busy taking care of my family I fail to see that if I don’t put God first, I’m not really taking care of my family at all.  I tell myself there isn’t enough time in the day to study the Word and pray; not enough time to complete my appointed Kingdom work; not even enough time to go to church – they won’t miss me anyway.  I may eventually convince myself I have too much to do to bother with church services and fellowship with other believers.  My perception becomes distorted, shifting the focus back to me; I am overcome.

If I only look at my church I lose my balance because that part of my life overshadows all else.  I’m focused entirely on bake sales, praise team practice, teaching Sunday School, taking food to the needy, serving on the visitation team, etc.  I’m so busy doing things I fail to notice that’s all I’m doing.  I’m not serving others, I’m serving myself.  When others try to tell me I need to drop a few activities and get back to studying the Word and being with God, I tell them I have too much to do; after all, what would the church do without me? 

I become self-absorbed; surely everyone can see how important my church work is.  I begin counting my works as study and prayer time.  I convince myself I’m doing everything I can.  I’m working hard, won’t God notice that?  My perception becomes distorted, shifting the focus back to me and what I can do in my own strength; I am overcome.

When I forget the most important part of balance is attending to my relationship with God and obeying his commands, I fall – badly.  When I neglect time with God, I neglect not only my family but also my church.  My armor must be kept polished and clean; I must dedicate my time first to God and then to whatever he leads me to.  If all that amounts to is sending cards to encourage others, then I have done what he asked.  It is enough.

And so I work to build the wall, straight and true, on God’s Word, his law and precepts. As he commands I build other walls for family and church that strengthen the wall God is building in me and through me.  I must connect to others, even though I’m not exactly the touchy-feely kind of person.  I must shine the light of the one true God on the path of others, even when they have no desire to see it, in spite of the ridicule and scorn which pummel me daily for calling myself a Christian.  I am called crazy, stupid, insane to believe in such a wild God, one who would allow pain to purify my walk. I continue to strive to walk and not grow weary.  Until life is over, I will faithfully follow his path for me.

From the rubble of my past, the splinters of what might have been, God creates substance to fill my walls, making them stronger, more durable, lasting.  What I have been adds texture to my story, to the story God is telling through me.  There is solidity and comfort in working to build the wall; God has a plan for me, a plan for good and not for evil.

Building the wall is a continuous effort; God is forever.  My life is a vapor yet while I live I will serve him and keep building the wall.  The battle rages on around me; I work through the pain and terror, knowing God is always there to guide and protect me.  He remains when all else passes away. The work continues despite my circumstances; they are secondary to doing the work God has set before me.  The scope of God’s great work reaches beyond me to unseen others.  God would reach them all.  If only they would listen.

I cannot come down from building the wall to deal with the foolishness of Satan.  He wastes the time God has given me to finish his work.  Only God knows how much time I have to complete his work, so I don’t have time for foolishness and lies.  There is no time for the things the world would tell me are more important than God’s work.  These things are a vapor – here and gone in an instant. God is forever.