Faces

Rodney Griffin doesn’t know who I am but I know him.  He’s a songwriter and a singer with Greater Vision.  Their albums were often all that kept me from jumping off the cliff of “I don’t care anymore.”  Their songs went with me every day to radiation treatments, followed me to work on days I felt like death warmed over, and rocked me to sleep at night when all I could do was cry.  While I didn't experience the side effects of radiation and chemo therapy as doctors expected, I was worn out from the impossible schedule I kept trying to keep it all together.

Rodney has no idea what his songs have done for me. I am one of those faces he will see when God shows him the lives of the people he has unknowingly touched with his ministry. I'm one of the many he has touched without knowingly having done so.  But I treasure the songs he writes because they keep me going, even as the enemy tries to tear me down again, piece by piece, threat by threat.

There were so many songs on Greater Visions albums that kept me going – God Wants to Hear You Sing, The Source of My Song, He’s Still Waiting at the Well, He Is to Me, Pile of Crowns, They Should Have Cried Holy, With All the Many Miracles, Just Ask – but of all of them the one that most taught me how to see cancer through Jesus’ eyes it is He’ll Carry Me, reproduced for you below:

HE’LL CARRY ME

Rodney Griffin

He took the lifeless body down from Calvary

Struggled just to stand beneath the load

The blood spilled on his hands and on his clothing

Still Joseph sang as he stumbled down the road

I’ll carry him upon my shoulders

I’ll bear the marks, endure the shame

I’ll serve my Friend till life is over

And that is when the world will see

He’ll carry me

With every step his mind replayed the memory

Of the day the Lord had made his life anew

So this load on Joseph’s back was not so heavy

Compared to the promise that was waiting at the tomb

I too have walked beneath a heavy burden

Stumbled down a dark and lonely road

Trying hard not to be discouraged

Knowing victory awaits when I reach home

So I’ll carry him upon my shoulders

I’ll bear the marks, endure the shame

I’ll serve my Friend till life is over

And that is when the world will see

He’ll carry me

He’ll carry me when he calls me from my sleeping

He’ll carry me toward the land of perfect day

Across the golden veil into the glory

Where he’ll set me safely down inside the gate

Until then I’ll strive to walk and not grow weary

I’ll gladly bear my cross for all the world to see

I’ll count it joy to carry Christ my Savior

For very soon he’ll carry me

When I heard that song for the first time, it was as if Jesus was standing next to me, holding my hands, and reassuring me that it really would be all right.  Maybe not in the way I expected but in the way he had planned long before I came down this road.  After all, he’d borne pain far worse than mine, died a cruel death, and rose again.  If I believe in his promises, I will see his glory.

That cross I carry may be called cancer.  Healing it totally may not be in God’s plan for me on this earth.  But it doesn’t stop me from serving him every day in every way I can, no matter what the cost.  And cost me it will if I truly desire to follow him.  Following Jesus isn’t all that simple – he journeyed to places no one wanted to go and did things he wasn’t supposed to do.  He’s still sending people outside their comfort zones and asking them to do things they don’t want to do.  I certainly didn’t want to “do” cancer.  I certainly didn’t want to go down that road of total faith in God’s ability to take care of me.  I wanted to deny cancer existed and had no intention of releasing control of my life to God.

That’s simply not the way faith works; you have to believe in the unbelievable, see the invisible, and do the impossible.  Until I take my last breath I have to live every day inside his embrace and follow his plans for my life.  My journey with cancer is designed to bring glory to my Savior in a way that I couldn’t possibly have imagined.  In fact, it was the only way he could get me to that place where the impossible became probable.

I suppose there are some folks who think I’m stark raving mad.  One doctor told me he had no studies to prove that depending on God for healing was worthwhile; that not taking their treatments was a very unwise decision because he had studies that proved he was right.  Unfortunately for them I have lots of studies to prove that depending on God is the only way to be healed; in fact, there are 66 books to prove it.  I have a choice – I can believe man, or I can believe God.  I choose God. Deliberately.  Thoughtfully.  Joyously.

Healing in this life no longer matters because I know God has plans for me before he takes me across to heaven’s side.  I’ve watched as people all around me are taken, yet I am not.  Three people at work were taken within a month.  I’m still here.  My physician was taken suddenly one weekend.  I’m still here.  Why am I still here?  Because God has a plan for my life and he’s not finished with it yet.  When he is, he’ll carry me to the other side of that gate and walk with me.  I will see his glory.

So thank you, Rodney Griffin, wherever you are.  You have absolutely no idea what an inspiration and healing balm to my soul your songs have been. There is a balm in Gilead – his name is Jesus Christ, my Lord. I thank God for Rodney Griffin and all of those who have made my way a little lighter.